I know this won’t be a surprise to many, if any of you…. but recently I have come to the realization (not for the first time, I might add), that being a woman is dang hard. I mean, being a human person is pretty difficult, but add into that being a woman, and wow things get extra complicated. Sometimes, my thoughts and emotions just make me feel like I am an absolute nut job. My mind moves so fast through everything I can barely catch a breath. By the end of it, I am figuratively keeled over trying not to have a heart attack. For real.
The past couple of days, I have been having lots of headaches/migraines. For those who’ve never experienced a migraine, you basically cannot do anything when you get one except lay in the dark and wait for it to go away.
Or sleep it away.
And one can only sleep so long. Before all that’s left to do is think.
As I lay there on the couch for the millionth hour of what felt like slow, creeping death, I realized that I was absolutely tired of thinking. It did not matter how much I tried to turn my thoughts off, the negativity and self-hate kept swirling around in my head. I just about screamed out loud from the frustration of not being able to shut it all out. Not even my prayers seemed to be able to distract me. There was only one thing to do. I got up from the couch and decided to stop laying in my pitiful mess of thoughts and go somewhere. Anywhere.
I drove to my friend’s house and just laid on her bed, talking to her about anything and everything, except the things that were consuming me. I felt so heavy from all the different levels of rejection I was feeling inside, and I just couldn’t bring myself to share them. I guess, I was afraid of being “too much” or “too needy”, or whatever lie the enemy wanted me to believe in that particular moment. I eventually left, because even the distraction from what I didn’t want to face was dissatisfying. I then decided to call another friend that I hadn’t really talked to in awhile. I wasn’t planning on sharing but it just all bubbled out of me. Can I just say W-O-W. It was the most refreshing conversation.
I was able to share my mistakes, embarrassments, and the frustrations against myself, and she identified. She understood. She knew exactly what I was feeling. Because she had been there or was there in that present moment.
Basically, I wasn’t crazy!!!! That was a relief!
*wipes sweat dramatically from brows*
As I’ve been figuring out how to speak truth against the lies, I have become more aware of how many women are just like me. I pray that we would all be awakened to the fact that we all struggle very similarly so that we would encourage one another instead of speaking death into each others insecurities.
One of the biggest lies the enemy gets us to believe is that we are alone in everything we feel and think, so then we become isolated. No more of that! Lets get the lies we believe out in the open, so that they have no more “power” over us. The enemy has already been defeated!
I would like to share with you some of the lies I believe. Because I think you might believe some of these, too.
- I am not enough. I never will be enough.
- I am too weak to be what God’s called me to be.
- I am too awkward and weird. I need to be more normal.
- I am a failure as a leader. And sometimes, even as a person.
- All of my problems are of my own making. I am the problem. I drive people away, because of my own fears getting the best of me.
- I am too complicated.
- No guy will ever love me because I am too awkward, shy, and complicated.
- I will always have to fight to prove that I am capable.
- I cannot connect, speak, or write well.
- I am fat and plain looking. I am not at all lovely.
- I can’t trust myself to have correct discernment over the character of people
The more that my mind and heart dwells on these lies, the more I believe them and the more my actions and confidence level shows my true thoughts of myself and my abilities. The same goes for you, dear friend. What do your thoughts settle on? Do you have lies like this swirling around in your head? Maybe some of them have been there so long you don’t even recognize them as intruders anymore. Likely, some of those lies were placed there by people you have encountered in your life.
So how do you get rid of these lies?
- Well, recognizing them as lies is a good first step. If you don’t know what lies you are believing, pray about it and even ask a close friend to help you discern what they are.
- Say the lies out loud to God, as well as a close friend. Call them out for what they are. Admit that those are lies that you believe. Get the lies outside of your headspace and into the open air.
- Then proclaim truth over your life! Psalm 139:14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”. Find other verses like that, and say them out loud. The more you speak and think on what is true, the more you will believe it. Further even, we are called to think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, and so forth. This surely must mean that our thoughts have much more power than even we are aware of.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”Romans 8:6
Sometimes our biggest enemy in our life can be ourselves. Our minds. Our own thoughts. Things someone else said, but words we choose to hold inside and allow to swirl around in our minds, taking root in our hearts.
When your insides are in such turmoil, it can sometimes take everything in you not to curl up in a ball and give up.
So here’s my challenge for you:
Comment below with the lies that you believe. Be courageous. Post them here, and then have the courage to share it with someone in person.
This is just a start. Be bold, and share below.
You can do it. Really, you can.
I hope you feel some semblance of comfort by knowing you are not alone in what you feel and believe about yourself. Lots of people have been where you are.
Many are where you are.
Take courage. Breathe it in. Feel it settle into your soul. Now go, and breathe it out as life giving words to yourself and to those around you.
“Take Courage, dear heart” ~I have whispered these words to my quaking heart many times. Every time, I am filled with that extra ounce of courage I needed to face the day before me. May these words bless you as well. (C. S. Lewis was a wise ol’ chap)