Yes I will

This past Sunday, one of the few Sundays I have left as a staff member at my current church, the worship band sang one of my favorite songs “Yes I Will” (which I have never heard them sing before).

When I hear this song it brings me right back to the summer of 2019. I was 22 years old, had just graduated college and was working at a kids day camp at a local church. I had recently ended a seemingly promising almost-relationship and was still healing from a four-year abusive “friendship”.

This song was the theme of the Summer and the Fall of that year as God walked with me through SO many new and terrifying unknowns. For the first time ever, I wasn’t surrounded by people my age and I didn’t know how to get the job I wanted. Turns out I wasn’t even qualified for the job I wanted. So what did I do? I was an afterschool kindergarten teacher, substitute teacher, Uber driver, Shipt driver, an intern for a church that I wasn’t sure about, and most of all—I was tired.

I felt lonely and confused with how my “after college life” had turned out. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? No one told me. I was driving all over the city of Houston to make it to jobs that were opposite directions from each other and by the time I got home each day I was too tired to do anything so I would go straight to bed. There was no time for building relationships and I lived 45+ minutes from the church I worked at, so it felt near impossible to find community outside of the people I lived with.

The lyrics of the song “Yes I Will” have been my anthem throughout the past few years and especially through all that was the year 2019.

I count on one thing
The same God that never fails
Will not fail me now
You won’t fail me now
In the waiting
The same God who’s never late
Is working all things out
You’re working all things out

Yes I will, lift You high in the lowest valley
Yes I will, bless Your name
Oh, yes I will, sing for joy when my heart is heavy
All my days, oh yes I will

And I choose to praise
To glorify, glorify
The Name of all names
That nothing can stand against

Now here I am barely three years later and so much has changed since then. As I sang this song on Sunday I reflected on how faithful God has been to me and the people around me. When I have been weary, He has lifted me up and helped me to keep going every time I wanted to quit. When I was deeply sad and broken, He has comforted me. When I have been confused and disillusioned, He has heard my anger, frustration and doubts. When I have celebrated and rejoiced, He has been there excited with me. When I have felt overwhelmed and anxious, He has given me the friends I need to help remind me of truth. He has filled my life with so many sweet, kind, and honest friends I think I need another heart to contain all the love I have for them.

I have no doubt in my heart or mind that God is real because I have seen His hands all over my life. I have seen the ways that He has grown me and shaped me to let go of shame, doubts, insecurities, and lies that don’t define me. Everyday I learn more and more what it means to live like Christ and I am thankful for the grace extended to me in my weaknesses.

We don’t always see where God’s taking us. We don’t understand and we often don’t even like what the process (or journey) looks like to get there, but rest assured that once you’re there God often lets you look back to see that every uncomfortable moment had a purpose. The person I was years ago would be having a mental breakdown during the transition that God is putting me through right now. So thank God (actually!), that I am a different person who feels more settled in who she is and more trust in the one who created her.

“Yes I Will” is a song you sing when you are choosing to praise God and trust who He is despite your circumstances. You’re choosing to trust God’s process and character. You’re choosing to not let your doubts and emotions build up a wall between you and God. You’re choosing to believe in God’s goodness when it isn’t evident to you. You’re choosing faith. The life that we have is full of goodness even if it isn’t the good that we want.

As we wake up each morning, let our prayer to God be one of surrendering our life, our expectations, and our selves to say “Lord, all my days, yes I will”.

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