can i tell you a secret?

Can I tell you a secret?

Once upon a time, I wanted to be a writer

Growing up, amidst my calling to be a missionary, I dreamed of being an author. I entertained the idea for a good while in my childhood, though it came in many different forms. When I was really young, and I mean REALLY young, I wrote a movie script, and of course recruited my friends to be in the cast of my big hit movie (ha). In the fourth grade, I wrote and illustrated a story about a princess (but if my memory serves me well, I think I might have stolen the plot of Rapunzel). Regardless, the story was professionally bound and I entered it into some little private school contest. This though, is not really where my interest in writing started to really grow.

When I was in 6th or 7th grade I started my first blog (ah!). I started writing about the things God was teaching me, and sharing it online and was so surprised to find that people actually wanted to hear what I had to say! My first post was on how God has power over life and death. I even remember sending one of my blogs to a magazine called “devozine” and they published it (it contained devotionals for students, by students). This really encouraged me while simultaneously frightening me, that maybe there was something there.

My last year or two in high school, I applied to a writers guild for young people to learn how to become better writers. I was so excited just imagining all of what I would learn and thinking of all the stories I would get to create. For whatever reason, I never did it. I honestly don’t remember why. Could have been money, timing, or fear of the intensity of the program. I just don’t know.

Yet, here I sit today, and I still have this yearning to write. This feeling deep within me that there is something I am supposed to share. Something that God has put within me to tell. I do not think it something monumental, such as a message that has never been shared or told before. I do think though, that perhaps, there is someone within my realm of influence that has never heard some of the things that God has invited me to tell. There is someone that needs to know the God that can be seen and known through my personal experiences. Or even someone that needs to be reminded that He is there.

There is so much power in our words. That is a truth I have always known. Just as that power can be misused by speaking words that bring death, it can also be misused by remaining silent and withholding the words of life that have been put within you.

I feel that I have done this. I have misused this power, often, by being silent. I have even brushed aside the wise people in my life who have told me to take my writing seriously because it is important. I am here in this place simply because I often ignore the tugging I have to sit down and write. I ignore the voice that tells me I need to be more disciplined in my writing. I have just decided to err on the side of only writing whenever I feel a whimsical breeze of inspiration. Thanks to a new, awesome friend, I have realized that that is not the way it is supposed to be. The words are always there. I just have to make the decision to sit down and make them come out.

Even now, I am forcing myself to sit here and write all of this so that I never forget why I want to write. I can never again hide that it has always been a desire of mine. I am declaring it here on this page that I know that writing is a part of me. I know I am not the best. I make grammar mistakes, I hate proofreading, and I hate following a writing process. But today, I am choosing to honor the gift that God has given me, as well as the tugging on my heart to be real with my words.

What does this look like? It is simple. I will write at least one blog post a week. That is where I want to start. Discipline.

I also have begun writing a bit of poetry (at least I think that is what it is…). So, I will probably share a a bit of that on here every now and then. A couple months ago I also began writing a memoir, so maybe some of that will end up on here…? Who knows??? It will just be an interesting, twisty lil adventure. I am kind of scared to publish this post, because I am pretty much making a promise to be disciplined… so we will see how this goes. Pray for me fam.

And as always, thanks for reading!

p.s. As I embark on this journey, I would love to hear your constructive criticism! So don’t be afraid to shoot me a line on my contact page! Thanks xoxo

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